Looks better than the prototype!
I am currently on a trip to the wilds of Amazonia, in the former Portuguese colony of Brazil. For such an arduous and dangerous voyage, I packed my latest two Grordbortâ€™s raygun acquisitions, the Manmelter 3600ZX and Goliathon 83. The Manmelter has proved to be a marvellous investment, equally at home reducing the local natives to organic porridge or the various unfriendly beasties to lightly charbroiled snacks when on a low setting, a useful boon in this hostile land.
While on my dug-out steamer trip down the mother of all rivers, it has been useful both for frying piranhas or toasting ocelots, and can lightly grill a rare three toed sloth at twenty paces. The Manmelter is almost a gastronomeâ€™s delight, with its infinitely variable settings between char and Joan-of-Arc, allowing one to enjoy a rare (in all meanings of the word) Spectacled Bear, or a rather well done howler monkey, all without the fuss of cajoling oneâ€™s bearers to start a fire from the soggy and uncooperative jungle foliage. Chargrilled marmosets are particularly tasty, and when threatened by an unusually large anaconda, five seconds resulted in a spiffing pair of snakeskin boots and matching belt and holster. The 3600ZX seems resistant to the continual drizzle and dampness without a misfire, and the spare phlogiston canisters have proved invaluable whilst several thousand miles from the nearest aetheric haberdashers.
I am ashamed to admit that I only purchased the Manmelter because it was offered at half price. I was never that impressed by its engravings in the Dr Grordbortâ€™s catalogue, but in the flesh it is a marvelous piece of design, and I think I prefer it to the Goliathon, much to my surprise. It has a wonderful speckled metallic finish, the various pipes and tubes are a most pleasing variation of colours (greenish copper, brass, corroded bronze), and the handle stands out as being particularly dappled with dark specks, and it is comfortable to grip in a manly manner. The safety switch does indeed have a most satisfying clunk, as well as protecting oneâ€™s gentlemanâ€™s vegetables from accidental discharge whilst holstered, and the raygun has a most pleasing, bulbous, almost buxom form, with a minimal-yet-tasteful pair of lateral pipes, one on each side.
The case is as splendid as the other rayguns, and comes with a Grordbortâ€™s brochure, two spare phlogiston canisters, and a pair of tweezers and a squeezy lubricant dropper thingy most useful for maintenance or artificial insemination (one must do something to while away the dull evenings in the jungle). All in all, the Manmelter is a most throroughly recommended purchase, although my wife still hasnâ€™t come back to me yet (not covered by the warranty).